Travis dubbed himself “Daddy Doula” – I was honestly so skeptical and doubted his preparedness to support me during labor so much so that I told him he was going on a “PIP” a couple of times.
Turns out I was wrong. I had a 36-hour labor, and he never left my side for more than a few minutes, and he really knew how to support me. Looking through the detailed notes on my labor, my midwife started each entry with “Tori is well supported by her husband”, and I really was.
Looking back, that was a looooooong time to be supporting me without breaks, and an actual, trained doula would have been nice just to have the extra support, experience, and opportunity for him to rest. If you have a mom, sister, best friend, or someone else to fill that additional support role, that could work too depending on what you envision for your labor. My midwife ended up filling in some of the gaps for me – she offered some new labor positions and words of encouragement especially towards the end when we were both tired, and I needed to hear a new voice, someone who had delivered babies before, tell me that my baby was coming soon and that I was doing all the right things.
There is something to be said for the real experience and training that comes with a doula, a midwife – someone professional – but I would have Travis as my “Daddy Doula” all over again. There was something so special about us both contributing and being fully in the experience of bringing our baby into this world together. So, if you are thinking about having your own “Daddy Doula” or someone else fill that role, or some variation of a support person, I am going to share what worked for us and how Travis got prepared.
We ultimately decided Travis could fill the role for a few reasons:
- Travis was willing to put in extra time and practice ahead of time
- He is not sensitive to strong communication (i.e., we asked ourselves: “is he going to be offended getting yelled at while I am laboring?”
- He doesn’t get anxious seeing me in pain
- He is a coach at heart – it is a natural role for him
Whether or not you decide to get help from a Doula, I do think having a partner with you that has prepared at least some ahead of time can only help, so here are a few things we did to prepare together and to get Travis prepared to support during labor.
LABOR PREPARATION
LISTEN TO PODCASTS
There are a bunch of great, free podcasts that we listened to through Spotify. Two of our favorites were Pregnancy & Birth Made Easy and The Great Birth Rebellion. Here is a list of some of the episodes Travis listened to in preparation.
Pregnancy & Birth Made Easy:
- “Do I need a Doula for My Birth?”
- “Dad’s Role During Prenancy & Childbirth”
- “The Episode Your Birth Partner NEEDS to Hear on How to Best Support you During Pregnancy, Labor, and Postpartum”
- “It Takes Two: Interview with a Birth Partner”
- “Birth Wisdom for Labor & Delivery with Courney Hart”
- “Relaxation Practice for Labor”
The Great Birth Rebellion: “Episode 28 How to be a great birth support”
LEARN FROM OTHER PEOPLE
- Ask questions of friends, family, etc. to learn about other people’s experiences to help guide your own – this was Travis’ preferred way to learn and get ideas of what to expect.
- We also listened to some birth stories via podcasts and asked other people to share their birth stories with us. This is a good place to consider boundaries you may want to set (e.g., “I am only interested in hearing positive birth stories at this time”).
ATTEND BIRTH CLASS
- We attended a comprehensive 6-hour in-person birth class together, and we both found it so helpful. There are several other birth classes out there too that span the course of weeks, have online options, etc. too.
- The best part of our birth class was the actual practice – we practiced spinning babies exercises, Lamaze techniques, counterpressure and relaxation approaches, and more.
- Our birth class instructor was such a helpful resource to us as questions came up for us later and when we were looking for other local resources too.
READ
- These were a few of our favorite books that we read ahead of time – while most of these weren’t specific to the labor support component, it was helpful to go into labor prepared
- If reading a full book or two isn’t for you, these birth deck cards had useful snippets of information. We reviewed them and practiced them each night together before bed during my third trimester.
PRACTICE AHEAD OF TIME
- We practiced labor positions, counterpressure, and support measures that we learned in birth class each day during the last trimester. This made it so that when the time came, we both knew what to do. The birth deck cards (linked above) also had some helpful ideas for this.
- We also practiced some relaxation techniques consistently during the last trimester (guided breathing, guided imagery, etc.) This seems weird at first, but we didn’t want the first time trying to do this to be during labor. The “Relaxation Practice for Labor” podcast helped us get started with this.
KNOW THE BIRTH PLAN
- We built out our birth plan together and talked through different scenarios and what we would do so going into labor, so we were both clear on what we wanted and how we would expect to react to different scenarios and decisions.